Life

I heard a song on the radio tonight as I was driving and now all I can remember is the first line but to me it was the most powerful. 

"I sit here in silence and wonder how I got to this place."

This phrase hit me pretty hard. I was actually sitting in silence in the car listening to music and I had been wondering about life. There are so many emotions right now. I am moving into a new place which although it is going to be a lot of work is very exciting for me. And although I am excited I am sad too. I am sad because my dad can't be here to help. For him that is such a good thing. For me, it makes me sad. Not just because I want another person to help me lift and move things, but because these are the types of things that I like to do with my dad. I am starting to think about different ways to organize the new room and make it more efficient which is awesome, but the only problem is that all my ideas involve the use of some power tool that I don't have access to anymore because I don't live with my dad. And furthermore, although I could physically do all the 'construction' on my own, I don't want to. I want him to be here with me, to help me, to teach me new things. 

My dad not being here is just a piece of the pie that makes me sad to live so far away from my family. I miss being able to go and see my grandparents whenever I want. I miss being able to see my brother play his drums, even if it is just in the basement and not at a show.  I miss doing stupid stuff like cleaning out the car with my dad or playing basketball with him while he grills, although that was something we did at the old house :) 

I am so torn inside. I know that God has brought me down here for a reason. I see it everyday, the little reasons that I know I am supposed to be here. But all I know is that I am supposed to be here NOW. What about in the future. It is so hard for me to not know what is coming. Although this is a lesson that I have learned before that I need to just trust that God is in control and let him have the wheel and lead me where he wants me. 

I guess I just want to have a slight idea of what's to come. 

I know that for now I just have to trust God and know that he is in control. 

On a side note I have decided that I want to get another tattoo. I want to get the word trust. I am not sure how or exactly where, i do have some ideas, if you have any ideas let me know. 

Trust is such a big thing for me right now and I know that it will always be something that I have to be reminded of. 

Thanks for being interested!

NIKKI