Everyone always told you

It's funny how things turn out sometimes. You look back in time and wonder where it all went. Everyone always told you to cherish those moments because they would be the best of your life and for some reason you never really listened. You skimmed by and did what was necessary to get out of there. Even leaving early if you could just to save some money and not realizing what all you were truly missing. 

I wish I could have realized all of this about a year ago when I made the decision to graduate early. It's funny to me now that the place I couldn't wait to leave, I am so ready to go back to. I would take back all the classes and papers and projects if it meant that I could have some more time with the people that made that place so amazing. I would take on the increased debt and stress just to do it a couple more days. What was I thinking? Wasn't 4 years a short enough time with those people why did I have to shorten it? 

I look back on it now and wish that I would have just endured the extra $10,000 ( I know some of you can't believe I wrote that) and spent some more time with my friends. Friends who I now live at least 9 hours from depending on what part of Indiana they ended up in. Friends who I am now doing better at talking on the phone with but still miss terribly. 

I never considered myself to have missed out on anything to not have found that amazing roommate that becomes your life-long friend and maid of honor in your wedding. I found so many other friends that I got to share amazing moments with. Friends from all different areas. Friends who could relate to me in every area of what I was going threw. And no I can't say I had the best roommate ever that will one day be in my wedding but I can say that I found a HUGE group of friends who will one day all be apart of my wedding and the rest of my life! 

They say that your college years are some of your best years and that you should always cherish them. Yet, for some reason we don't really understand it until that time has already passed. Those memories that were made freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year will always be with us, even the things that we thought were stupid at the time "Sorry Gary" :) but will seem to always stick with us. Those are the things that made our college experience what it truly was. Not the classes, or lectures, or even projects that we worked on for weeks and lost numerous hours of sleep over. It is the friendships that will truly last a lifetime and the memories that will keep us laughing until we can not laugh anymore. 

Amazing how a picture of someone trying to make a ball out of peanut butter and chocolate can bring out all these memories and emotions! :) 

Timing

Timing is a crazy thing. Knowing when to do stuff and knowing when not to. Sometimes I think we disregard God's timing and go with our own. What if all the things that happened in our life, good and bad, were done at just the right time to get us where we are. I believe this is how God is. He uses certain events in our lives to direct us to the next step. As you may or may not know I am currently living with my aunt and uncle. I was sitting in bed tonight just pondering some things and I thought. Maybe this is it...maybe this is the time for me to travel with an organization for missionary purposes. I am not under a lease right now and if I left for a month or so I would not be worrying about paying rent or utilities. I dont know if that is where God's plan will lead me next but I know that it is a possibility. I think that this timing and opportunity was created for me to figure out what it is that I really want to do in life and where I want to be and go. Maybe I am not supposed to stay in GA and this is the time to move on because I dont have anything tying me down. I wish that I had someone in life who could just tell me what to do. Wait! I do! It's Jesus Christ! I know that i need to start leaning on Him even more now than I ever have! I know that He will show me where He wants me and what He wants me to do! 

What to do

I find myself in this awful situation. I know that I could run form it and just not try to resolve that, but who am I kidding? That is not me. I want this to work. I want it to work so bad that I am willing to keep my mouth shut and not say anything. But sometimes I can't hold it in anymore and I just need to let it out. I  may not be the best at expressing my feelings but I try. I try to be a humble person and give everyone the benefit of the doubt. But how do I keep that attitude when the other person keeps making themselves superior to me and making me feel like an idiot? 

I used to think that they had showed me what a true relationship with God was and that I somehow was not good enough. But I have come to realize that is not it at all. I have a wonderful relationship with God and it is all my own! I have gone through so much and seen so many things and so much awesome power of God in my life that no one could take that away from me. 

I started writing this post because I needed to calm down from this crazy situation and I think that it has helped. I still don't know what I am going to do but I am trusting that God will show me what I am supposed to do. 

Passion

I am sitting here watching SYTYCD and I am left thinking. What is my passion in life? What is it that I want to do more than anything. The competitors on the show know that they love dance and that they want to put their all into dancing. Why don't I have a passion like that. I have so many different things that I want to do. Why is that?

 

Is it abnormal to be good as so many different things and not completely excellent at just one? 

The other problem is that even if I could just pick one thing and strive to be excellent at that, I wouldn't know what to pick. 

I love photography but I am intimidated because I have never really been trained to take great photos, I just feel like I can but I get too nervous to commit to photograph an important event for someone. 

I love audio editing and production but honestly I don't think I have enough training and even if I did I would have no idea where to go.  I love being behind a sound board and I used to think that was where I would end up but now I am not so sure. Being behind a sound board used to be a relaxing thing for me and honestly I can't say that it isn't anymore because it has been so long since I have been behind one that I really don't know anymore.

This is such a confusing subject in my life and I don't really know what to do.

~NIKKI~

Why So Serious?

For those of you who don't know, on monday night after seeing the new batman movie, I changed my facebook status to : Why so serious. 

Today I was on my facebook and I read my status and I began to think:

Why So Serious?

Why have we become so serious about life?

Have we lost our desire to have fun and enjoy life where we are at? 

Why has it become that all we think about is how much money we make and how we can make more?

I feel like I am the odd man out because I don't think that way. I don't want money to be the center of my life. I don't want money or the possession of money to control my life. I know in some way, shape or form money will always be a factor. I do want to be able to provide food and shelter to live but for me that is as far as the desire goes. For me I don't care how nice the place or how nice the car. To me it is more important to be with family and friends and to be involved in the world that God has placed around me.

Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Is it wrong that I don't ever want to be the professional that sits behind a desk all day. 

I dont want to take a job now just because it pays more even tough I know that I will be miserable going to work everyday. 

I love where I am it in life right now, Yeah things may be starting to get a little tight and I am going to need to buckle down more but I am okay with that. 

I am surrounded by people who love me and want what is best for me. Even the people I work for seem to be looking out for me to.

I am young and I feel like this is the perfect time to find out what I really want in life and to go for it!

I guess what I am trying to say in all this mumbo jumbo is:

Live life to the fullest. 

Find your greatest potential.

Enjoy what you do.

Laugh, Play, have fun.

Be spontaneous.

And above all...

Don't take everything in life so serious because one day none of it will matter. All that will matter is what you did with your life and if you can look back on it and smile because you know that you made the best of it.

~NIKKI~

Life

I heard a song on the radio tonight as I was driving and now all I can remember is the first line but to me it was the most powerful. 

"I sit here in silence and wonder how I got to this place."

This phrase hit me pretty hard. I was actually sitting in silence in the car listening to music and I had been wondering about life. There are so many emotions right now. I am moving into a new place which although it is going to be a lot of work is very exciting for me. And although I am excited I am sad too. I am sad because my dad can't be here to help. For him that is such a good thing. For me, it makes me sad. Not just because I want another person to help me lift and move things, but because these are the types of things that I like to do with my dad. I am starting to think about different ways to organize the new room and make it more efficient which is awesome, but the only problem is that all my ideas involve the use of some power tool that I don't have access to anymore because I don't live with my dad. And furthermore, although I could physically do all the 'construction' on my own, I don't want to. I want him to be here with me, to help me, to teach me new things. 

My dad not being here is just a piece of the pie that makes me sad to live so far away from my family. I miss being able to go and see my grandparents whenever I want. I miss being able to see my brother play his drums, even if it is just in the basement and not at a show.  I miss doing stupid stuff like cleaning out the car with my dad or playing basketball with him while he grills, although that was something we did at the old house :) 

I am so torn inside. I know that God has brought me down here for a reason. I see it everyday, the little reasons that I know I am supposed to be here. But all I know is that I am supposed to be here NOW. What about in the future. It is so hard for me to not know what is coming. Although this is a lesson that I have learned before that I need to just trust that God is in control and let him have the wheel and lead me where he wants me. 

I guess I just want to have a slight idea of what's to come. 

I know that for now I just have to trust God and know that he is in control. 

On a side note I have decided that I want to get another tattoo. I want to get the word trust. I am not sure how or exactly where, i do have some ideas, if you have any ideas let me know. 

Trust is such a big thing for me right now and I know that it will always be something that I have to be reminded of. 

Thanks for being interested!

NIKKI